As we have been holding marriage classes we have had many insights and discoveries. Today we will open some of those insights to you our readers.The first insight that each person needs to remain aware of is this, "no two marriages are identical."Each marriage, just like each person or family has it's own DNA.
When God created Adam he was created unique, Eve also unique and each person there after was birthed with a personal DNA.
And as a man and woman unite in marriage according to bible truths, they become one flesh. That flesh having it's own individual personality, life, and health.
However, with this knowledge of wonderful uniqueness do not forget ... there is also growth and change, and for areas that need to be strengthened, there are tools to aide in such growth.
Tools spoken of in previous blogs, such as The Word of God, CD series, books, and counsel.
I have previously stated and stand upon a certain fact. The fact is that we should not learn how to fight in a marriage, we should learn how to get along. That is a truth that remains as far as I am concerned, and have not found disputes from other Godly Counsel. Yet, allow me to expound on this some today in our discoveries.
Learning to get along verses learning to fight does not take away from needed confrontations. However, confrontations is not going to a person with eyebrows or fist up. It is exactly what it says ... confronting.
To confront: means to meet face to face when there is a contrast in opinions or beliefs. And a confrontation is useless if it is just to blow up and blow off (that would end in warring or fighting), which I have said, we will not be teaching.
A healthy confrontation in a marriage is meeting face to face to discuss the contrast of opinions and/or beliefs in an effort to come to a peaceful understanding and solution. It is a technique in learning to get along with each other, to leave peacefully, healthily, and happy.
As you are growing together not fighting does not exclude opportunities to fight. You will have plenty ... but to fight is a choice ... not only by one, by two or more. Unless of course you just want to beat yourself us ... but that isn't even a fight, it is simply foolish self destruction.
How do you have an opportunity to fight and NOT? Let me offer a few ideas.
Ladies it is easy for you to overload and get stressed at any given time, but (especially during your monthly cycles, or pregnancy). You know when you are stressing. Instead of fighting ... close yourself into the bathroom and get in a hot tub of bath water. Take a breather, and come out better. If baths are not your thing find something that is ... just take a break.
Don't falter under the deception of ... "I don't have time" ... if you don't take time, you are gonna burn it in a an argument, tears, or fight, therefore, YOU DO HAVE TIME. And do not deceive yourself into believing that you are so necessary that you can't leave something alone for 20 or 30 minutes in order to breath, that is control which is stressful in its own right.
In saying this I am not telling you to leave an underage child along while you lock yourself way for 30 minutes (much can happen in a short frame of time), but you can take this time during children napping or early bed times. Maybe, someone in the home can help (the husband should be the first avenue of help), if not pray for him and confront him properly concerning your needs.
Men it is easy for you to get stressed over finances or your job and you too need outlets. But the outlet is not drawn fist or ugly abusive outburst, it is not even silent treatments. Go for a walk, go fishing, clean the garage if you are not a outdoors man, maybe you need a hot shower to relax. Do whatever it takes to avoid wars that cause division and destruction to your relationship.
While you are walking these stresses off ... you also need to pray. Give the problem over to God. Cast your cares on him ... he does care for you and he wants to help. God is a help in times of trouble. The Holy Ghost that he has sent to us her to walk with us on planet earth is even called our helper. You do have help ... but you must learn to communicate in order to get the help you need, and to get rid of the stress that you don't need to be be carrying around.
Ps. 46:1 ~ I Pe. 5:7 ~ John 14-16
There will be times when you as a husband and wife may be talking and suddenly there is a difference of opinion concerning a topic. Is it worth forcing your issue that could break down your relationship? State your opinion. They can state there's ... and let if go. If it is something that has to be handled in the home, it is decision making time.
How do you make a decision upon a matter where each of you have a difference of opinion?
First pray it out and then weigh it out.
Many times in prayer ... the Holy Spirit will cause one or the other or even both to come to the same conclusion. If not, or if you are having a hard time hearing or yielding to the Holy Ghost weigh it out.
As yourself how will my idea work?
How will it help? How much will it cost? Who will it effect people, and will it effect positively or negatively?
Weigh out both sides ... now decide ... go toward the best overall interest.
Maybe you have an even weight on both sides. That can happen. What then?
If there is an even weight ... go back to prayer stages again. This time if you do not come to an agreement. You still go by way of the Bible. Meaning that Ladies, you will submit to your husbands decision. If he has made the wrong choice, God will still honor and back you in the end.
Don't panic anytime you have to submit even though you may be right, God will always honor your submission. Men if you find that you have made a wrong choice ... God also honors repentance, so ladies learn to forgive without being critical and judgmental, as men repent. No one gets to wear a winners belt when wrong decisions are made. They get to re-do and go with a decision that works.
Ladies if your husband has been right, thank them for their wisdom in the matter. Men if you have missed the mark, tell you wife how much you appreciate her as a wonderful help me given you by God. Compliments go a long way in learning to get a long.
Let me tie this up for those who may not understand submission. Some may have read this last section and said, "Well isn't a woman suppose to submit all the time anyway?" Submission thought of in that right is misunderstood. That would be control. Submission does not mean to be controlled. It does not mean that one gets to control. Submission is a humble, complimentary act. One that keeps legal agreements and relationships in good standing.
And yes women are to submit to their husbands from this stance, but the word of God also speaks many times of submitting ourselves (both men and women) in areas. Submission is not for women alone. Submission again is a humble complimentary act, keeping legal agreements and relationships in good standing.
Remember our key text for a good marriage.
Heb. 10:24 ... let us consider one another to provoke unto love and good works.
