Marriage Class # 3

Ladies even though men like the meek spirit … they also love a challenge.

*Men also need to be kept on their toes. Men generally get lazy in a relationship once security is found. Therefore, you will need to be a fire under their rear at times. They may resist the initial challenge, but over the long haul they will respect that you have fulfilled your duty in getting their best out of them.

*Ladies: this does not mean to nag … but to strongly encourage a man to get up off the couch and be the man! Let them know you need them to be the man! And that you love them and want to help them to be the great person that God has made him to be.


*Men don’t let this offend you:
But if you never work, mow the yard, clean the garage, take care of your vehicle, or yourself … all it says about you is and that you are lazy and do not make your home life a priority. When your spouse helps you in this area … it is not just to her advantage, but to yours.


Pr. 15:19 tells us that a slothful man is as a hedge of thorns; but a righteous man a built up highway.


*Now ladies to you … do not use manipulation as a means of getting what you want from your husbands. You need to have his intrest at heart. This does not mean that it will not benefit you and the entire house, but the interest needs to be toward your husband, and not selfish.

What it means to Manipulate:

Manipulate:
To play with skillful and artfully to gain advantage.

Women are terrible about using sex as a means of manipulation. Sex should be a mutual intimacy not a tool to get castrate your husband.

Delilah a was a master manipulator, she was a tool toward Samson's destruction, through her cunning manipulation skills. Laides ~ you are Christ like … do not become Delilah minded!

Marriage / Relationships are not about advantage. They are working together as a team, in unity with mutual respect.

Women have been know to offer or withhold intimacy for advantage … women don’t do it … men don’t allow it.


Women, men don’t want to be alone … they like you being there.
So long term separations are not healthy. Men can deal … but they need you to be with them. You may need to go away for a few days, a week maybe even longer in emergencies … but men need you to stay close. So if you are apart … communicate, and come together as often as possible during these times.

Example: Away at mission school and on mission trips.


* Ladies … men do not need you to be one of the guys …

When your husband goes hunting with the guys, don’t think that you have to tag along. … Please don’t … another woman unbalanced and secure, may decide you are the deer of choice and take you out!

There are co-ed sports that you can join together, if sports is your thing. You can take walks together, go boating, vacating together. You can do movies, theaters, picnicking and camping. Be adventurous … be free … you can even be boring like us, if it works for you, but be balanced! Live your lives secure in Christ and have individual lives and then have your life of togetherness.

Ladies one more time, never try to be one of the guys. If you do your husband will never look at you the way you need him to.


Men and Women need whole partners … So stay connected to God and heal and then remain healthy … spirit, soul and body. Hurting people … hurt people.

*If you want the hurt to stop you have to allow God to heal you.

*How?

Push yourself to be in church every time the doors are open.
Go to meetings that minister into needs, where you are weak.
Read literature that will help you.
And always spend time with God in Word and prayer.
You may also need to get godly counsel.

Now women tend to do these things more than men as a general rule, but men need to be in church as much as women. They need to spend just as much time with God in prayer. Men need to read literature, get counsel and be educated just like women do, if they want to move forward in any area of life, including better relationships.

*Let me add here … I know some of you are here without your spouses. And you are doing all you know to do, and your spouses are not be giving much to these areas … but remember … God is faithful. He even told us through the wisdom of Paul … that your lives of faith can work toward the sanctification of the marriage, and may even work toward the salvation and master workmanship of Father God for them.


Relationships need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism.

Ladies one way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate yourself more effectively. TALK!

Men can not read your mind!
They can not interpret emotions!
They need you to tell them what you want and need.


Women I know that you want them to just know what you need. And at times they may … but when they don’t … help ‘em out! Don’t just set around pouting for days.


Men or Women do no like being deceived or lied to.
*woman do not hide things from your husband … husbands do not hide things from your wife. Be open books


Healthy … strong men and women … like emotional maturity.
They are not interested in raising a child called a husband or wife.

*Temper tantrums, pouting spells, the constant need for new toys and leaving bills unpaid, or running to parents with your problems have to be put away.

*I Cor. 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a (full grown), I put away childish things.

*Ladies, men don’t know what to do with all of your loose emotions.

*Men, ladies do not know what to do with all of your closed off silence or boughts of anger (verbal rage).

Emotions must be managed if a marriage is to be at its best.

Joyce Meyer has a book called managing you emotions … and I can’t find anywhere on that book, where it is only for women. So men if you have emotions upsets … or imbalances … use the material. Women … anyone of you would not lose by reading and applying it.

If you have chemical problems that can not be dealt with through self control … please take a pill, until you receive your healing!


This is not counseling... this is a series of blogs to wake us to some partical insights that can help us to walk in stronger, healthier and happier marriages and general relationships when applied.

Next Blog: More insights concerning Marriage and Relationships

Mariage Classes # 2 / part 2

When we left Marriage Classes last time, we were talking about What Men and Women need from each other. What works toward a healthy, alive and successful Marriage?

Today we will continue in this vein as I post Part 2 of Class 2 of our Marriage Classes ~

They have been fun. I Hope you draw at least some of that fun and revelation we have in our Seminar.


Let's start with more should dos, shouldn't dos ~ kicking it off with bodily functions. Are you ready for this? :)

Men you may burp and pass gas among themselves, but women would rather not even know that you pass gases. It is a turn off at home, and worse in public.

* let me just add … it you are expecting a romantic night after a round of belching and passing gas in the living room … you are not quite up in the elevator yet.

Ladies men need praise. They need encouragement. They need you to be their support system and cheer leader. Although you do not have to praise them for burp-er of the year … you do need to see areas in which they excel and praise them.

* Stay balanced:
You don’t have to follow them around all day long and tell them how wonderful they are. If you are doing that you might need a spirit cast out of you. That is out of balance and will not offer support … it will only be annoying to them.

Learn how to support vs. criticize.

WARNING!
Ladies / Gentlemen! Do Not … let me say again … Do Not Compare your spouse to someone else!

Maybe you see things in a person, or in someone’s marriage that you like and want.
If you do, find out how to get it. But Do Not Compare!

Comparisons are not good for relationships … it breaks confidence and esteem. It causes insecurity. It is hurtful and embarrassing, and can breed wars.

Also remember ~ every time you voice comparisons ... your voice is going back into your own ears as well as into your spouses (or whoever else is around) telling you and them, that you are not happy with your relationship, and that you would prefer another … so if you are doing this … STOP IT.


Ladies … Men to not like angry women who shout!
They like to be talked to, communicated with … not yelled at!
If they wanted a drill sergeant they would join the army!

A man may say how they like that Fire in a woman for a day or two … but after many days of it … they will grown tired of it and fire back! So watch the mouth and the way you talk!

I Peter 3:4 tells us that women should carry a meek and quiet spirit and that it is an adornment, and of great price in God’s eyes.

One commentary says it best, when saying this:
She is of a calm temper; a contented mind; has a heart free from ungodly passions, prides, envies, and irritability; her soul is not subject to the agitations and vexations of outward adversities.

*In other words … She is hidden in Christ.

Clarification:
This is not saying a woman stands around with her hands clasp and waits to be called upon before she speaks, it simply means she knows how to communicate and carry herself well.

God's word will teach us. It is an instructional guide for life and abundance. However, many times people pull scripture out of context, in order to manipulate and/or control others.

The Word of God is proven;
when read, taught, and applied properly it is healing, building and liberating.

The Word of God has been expressed to us through the person of Jesus Christ and was meant to set us free. Do not fall pry to deception that will keep you bound. Allow God's love work during these meetings to bring you and your spouse to new levels of freedom.

As we continue we will be hearing things that we can implement for better relationships. We will hear things that will destroy old mind sets, thus freeing us. We will speak of communication, personal responsibilities, and intimacy.

Life is good when we live it in the balance and harmony that God has offered us through the person of His Son Jesus Christ. Today, you have one just like Jesus available to you. He is called Holy Spirit. Allow him to arrest you of wrongs; free you by opening your understanding; and teaching you how to for apply biblical principles. Then be courageous enough, to act on insightful principles for results!

Marriage Class # 2

Heb 10:24
And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:









For years I have heard people say things like:

• In a good marriage you have to learn how to fight.
• If people tell you that they are married and never fight or argue they are lying.

I have even heard these things preached from the pulpit.
I disagree, with both evidence and experience.

Greg and I have been married 22 years in July. We dated 2 years prior to that. And I could use my fingers with some left over to tell you the times we have had arguments.

I could use one hand to count an argument that lasted until bedtime. In this time frame, there were no fights, just no solutions.

And fighting … we don’t! We do not throw things, use verbal abuse, there is no screaming and yelling, and there is definitely no physical abuses.

People do not need to learn how to fight, they need to learn how to get along. They need to walk in unity and harmony. Couples need to communicate and walk in love. Any fighting that goes on in a marriage should be a husband and wife fighting a good fight of faith together with love as the catalyst.

There are some things about men and women, that you might not know, that can be tools toward this kind of marriage. So let me bring them to your attention.


From various polls, we find a list of ten things that men generally want from women.

1. He wants sexual fulfillment.
2. He wants a recreational play mate.
3. He wants you to be beautiful.
4. He wants a committed homemaker.
5. He wants admiration.
6. He wants moral virtue. *
7. He wants someone with a sense of humor.
8. He wants intelligence.
9. He wants faithfulness … someone he can trust. *
10. He wants someone who is completely honest. *

*If you will notice 3 of those 10 have the same tone, making this list revolve around 7 things that men consider priority.


Now let me give you a list of ten things that women want in a men.

1. They want a man to be Godly (Spiritual)
   
2. They want Romance.
3. They want a sense of humor.
4. They want a good communicator.
5. They want honest.
   
6. They want a provider.
7. They want a family man.
8. They want respect.
9. They want leadership.
   
10. They want faithfulness.

Again many of the things women have listed, have the same tones.
And if compared to what men want, the women register near the same desires as men 8 out of 10 times.

Men and Women generally want the same things. We are diverse in creation, and we often think differently, but we have desires and feelings that are much the same.

It may surprise women to find that men want someone to love, and that they like being loved.
Therefore, if women come across as cold and impassive men turn away. They may go inward and grow cold and indifferent toward women. If they are not morally strong, they may go outward toward affairs. So ladies keep the fire burning!

Ladies Christian men want their woman to be attractive just as all men do. This does not mean that you have to be a catwalk model. It does not mean you have to be a 80 lb. walking mantis. But it does mean that you need to take care of yourself.

Men, if you are expecting a woman who looks like your sports illustrate center fold, or your TV show girl, then take a picture of your wife; go to a graphic artist; let him cut, paste, and stretch until you get her. Because that is not reality, nor is it mature thinking, and to a woman it is degrading and a total turn off! It may also add undue stress to a woman, that can be dangerous, not only for her, but, also for you!

Ladies take care of yourself, and to do your best to look nice. Diet and exercise. Groom yourself. Put some make up on and dress attractively. But men, get real, or move to plastic city and date Barbie, that is, if you can afford her, and deal with the fact that she has no brain!

Men do not want their woman flirting with others, they don’t even like the appearance of it! Men want faithfulness. Men want to be the number 1. They want to be the apple of your eye. They want to be your magnifico, your Hero! And they want everyone else to know it.

Men stay balanced. Don’t let jealousy cause you to be controlling. There is a difference between women making you their number one, and you controlling them because of your own insecurities. Stay in the Word and allow God to affirm you, and when you treat women like Christ treats the church, she too will affirm you!

Ladies Jealousy is a one way street with cars coming from each direction. Just as your husband has to be careful of jealousy so do you. Pro. 6:34 says: ... Jealous is the rage of man. This lets us know that Jealousy will cause wars, and is always destructive.

Remember … stay balanced.

Don’t over exhaust good things, or grow weary trying to create, or control. Love often requires change, but it also rest! When two people are willing to change, God will lead, and Grace will always have to be administered.

Men want a home life. They like the security of home. And although they do not need you to be their mother. They do often need you to do things that their mother has previously done. Things like keeping house, doing laundry, making sure things are kept in order, and affirming them through your words.

Pro. 31:27 tells us as ladies, that we are to look well to the ways of our household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Men, scripture is not a waring text, used brow beat your wives. Again that is control and tyranny. It also does not mean that you don’t help out, remember: consider one another. Help each other. Encourage and motivate each other through acts of love and good deeds.

Ladies … Men normally want women to have a good sense of humor. To know-how to relax and have fun as well as to care for daily responsibilities. Being uptight about everything, all the time, is stressful and not healthy. Most men like relaxing, or having a good time once the work day is over, and household responsibilities are through, and they like their it when you join them.

Men … any well rounded woman does not rest and have fun until the house is in order, and her family cared for, so give her room, and if you want to play help her out. Your good time may begin in the kitchen helping her finish up the dishes.

Marriage / Male and Female Created He Them

Heb 10:24
And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works.

• We should keep encouraging each other to be thoughtful and do helpful things.
• Lets us think of ways to motivate each other to acts of love and good works.

People have said that a strong marriage is 50/50, others have said 100/100, but no matter the ratio, it will be build upon considering one another, it will require knowing who Christ is in you, and who you are in him. Until you know the love of God and how to love and respect yourself it is difficult to considering others.

So let’s start from the beginning and set a bible base and a sound foundation.

God created both male and female.

Gen. 1:26-28
26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Here we find that God created mankind after himself, at this point man and woman (male and female) were both simply speaking spirits and in the similitude of God.

*It was not until later when the dirt came into play that men and women begin to have problems. LOL

Gen. 2:7
And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

Here, man picks up a soul and a flesh body made of dirt. That was the beginning of woes for all who would not operate according to the deepest part of man … His God-like Spirit.

Gen. 2:18
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Gen. 2:21-25
(21) And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

*If you will notice here woman was much more difficult to create than man. She was a surgical procedure while man was molded from the dirt. That is why women are more high maintenance than men. LOL

Man was made from the dirt. Woman was drawn from the deep part of man, she came out of His flesh.

*So men … If you tell your woman she is acting in the flesh … she may tell you it is your fault … for she came out of your flesh to begin with. LOL

*Men if you tell her she is acting stupid, or talking insane … she has scientific and biblical truths to say: "That is the you coming out of me!" LOL

So it would be best to just say nice things about your woman, so she will say nice things about you!

(22) And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

*Take Note, Gentleman … Woman was your first gift from God. God's previous creations were life provisions, but not woman … she was your gift from God. Therefore, she is to be treated gently, and kept close to you, as if you are holding God’s own heart.

*Ladies from this text ... You must remember that "YOU" are their gift from God. Meaning that God gave you to them (you are a good thing), and you are to bless and to complete them, not to demolish and destroy, belittle or behead them. You are to be their security in the night seasons, and their joy in the day.

(23) And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

*Adam (man) realizes that woman is simply a deeper virtue /part of himself.
"She is bone like me … flesh like me… and has been taken from me … she is like me and part of me (and yet we differ)." Adam realized the closeness in resemblance insomuch that he even named her after himself, calling her wo-man.

(24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

*This is often difficult for men and at times for women, but God knows the order of things and how the blessings and circle of life go and it is best to heed him.

Married couples that do not separate themselves from their families, and join together as one flesh (creating for themselves mutual respect and a home) will find themselves in trouble.

This does not mean you do no gather with your family for fellowship at times, or aid your family in need. But it should never be so close that it causes interference.

If you are listening to a radio and an outside force causes interference you find yourself aggravated and ready to shut off the radio. If you are watching TV and something keeps interfering with the reception you get frustrated, loose interest and cut it off. In a marriage if parents are allowed to interfere, it is much the same. Not heeding God in these matters of leave and cleave, can cause your marriage to suffer, and could even destroy it.

When men judge their wives by their mother … it is power that is destructive in its working.
When women judge men by their fathers … it has the same affect.

When a man heeds his mothers voice rather than his wife … he is on thin ice that will come crashing down. The wife is the help meet, she is the one who is to aide and complete what is lacking in her husband. The naval cord that held man to his mother must be cut and he must be grafted as one to his wife.

Wives need for their husbands to hear their voice and support them, to side with them when they are right. Men if you can not can side for good reason, women need you to talk to them privately. They need your loving cover that communicates properly to any weakness. They do not need a spanking, or correction as if they were a child and you their father.

When a woman calls on her father for money or support, it belittles her husband (who is to be her covering). It is like cutting wounds of insecurity into a man who is a God created provider.

Wives should trust their husbands to provide. They should pray for their husband, they should believe in them and offer grace as they move forward in their role of provider. Women should refrain from running home to their parents for things that are lacking.

Husbands should be trustworthy and not lazy. They must be willing to work, willing to sale their own blood if need be to supply for the care of their wife and family. After all God put man in the Garden to work and care for it before woman was given to him … in other words it is good for man to understand his role of working with his hands before he is given the good thing of a wife (for then he has means of caring for her).

What we are saying in all of these things are "Consider one another." Then we we will dwell together in a new levels of harmony, and our marriages will grow stronger daily.